Dear Dr. Pepper,
You have been a dear friend to me for over a decade now. I met you in all your glory in Lawrence, Kansas at a local gas station. You stood there tall and proud, just waiting for me to consume you completely! .59 cents and one 32 oz. Big Gulp later...I HAD FOUND LOVE! And I haven't stopped loving you since!
My unconditional love for you has run deep and true, however...as the old saying goes, "All good things must come to an end"! You see, dear friend, after enjoying mass amounts of you over the years, I have gained many unwanted pounds that MUST be shed. They say you are full of excessive empty calories. I disagree by the way, just so you know...I find every single one of your calories to be delicious in every way, and up to this point, well worth the caloric intake.
However, sadly, Dr. Pepper, sweet lover of mine... I must digress! This is extremely hard for me to do.... but I must leave you today. As I finish sipping your sweet nectar, I am saddened by the thought that this may be our last encounter, if not definitely, then at least for awhile. I am sure in a moment of weakness I will resort to you, as I have always done-as part of my daily ritual, as a source of comfort, like a favorite teddy bear is to a child... but for now I must try to live without you!
Please let me down easy. Let me walk away without a fight! Please know, dear friend, I do not want to give you up. But, for the sake of my health and well-being, I have to let you go. It has become a love- hate relationship between you and I. I drink you because I love you, but I hate you at the same time knowing that I am being a better friend to you, than you are to me. You have had a negative effect on my physical being. My belly is round and I am asked if I am pregnant even though I am not, which makes me feel awful... and I would not be caught dead in shorts! Are you kidding me, my thighs look...disgusting, to put it nicely! Chubby thighs are only cute on babies! And this extra chin...please, I don't need it! Trust me!
So, this is the point I turn and walk away, and try not to look back. I know I will be tempted every time I see you, but I must be strong. I AM ON A MISSION, REMEMBER! I want to love the skin I am in, and ridding myself of you is only one of the humble steps I must take in trying to regain an attractive girlish figure I can be proud of. Because, as of right now, I am embarrassed beyond words that I have let myself go! I want to be able to show my face and not be ashamed of myself!
Always remember, you are loved and will be missed!
I bid thee farewell! So long, my lover!
Kenzie
5 comments:
See Ya Bitch! I think of Diet Pop in the female tense, not male, you know?
Oh wait, you were on the hard stuff! Damn girl! You were hard core. So now I have to correct myself. Not goodbye Bitch, goodbye Asshole!
I know, right...it sounds like I am trying to give up scotch, or the crack pipe! I do love DP! It makes my world spin round!
I am right on you same path. My addiction is Diet Pepsi. I love it soooooooooo much. I don't even know why!!! I've tried giving it up many times and have never succeeded. I think the only thing that will make me give up is getting pregnant.
jaime flader
haha you are so funny! ok im proud of you for quitting- mostly because the pop will KILL YOUR TEETH!!! kenzie with no teeth.... hee hee- that should be your motivation!!! do some photo art thing and remove your teeth- then print it and post it reallly big on your fridge and also in your car- then you wont buy the stuff! good luck girlie!
aloha
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