{Re}inventing Myself

Begin anew!

2009-06-24T15:12:00.010-05:00

Oh, well...look who decided to show up!
This is how I feel!
I have been painfully neglecting this blogging gig!
Well, for you few readers out there that may still be tagging along on my Reinvention journey,
I have 3 words for ya...
I am back!
I cannot promise for how long, but I am here now!

So...without further ado,
the gears in my noggin have been grinding away at a steady, sometimes frantic, pace.
There are days were the minutes fly by WAY too fast,
and at the end of the day I feel like the famous Salvador Dali clock, you know that droopy, exhausted looking clock...yep, that's me!

Be forewarned...
I have engaged in quite a bit of thinking lately!
(she thinks, she really thinks)
I have been going back to school for quite some time now,
on a path to somewhere in the medical field, but a little unclear of where I am going to end up.
And this is what I have been thinking about.
I have come to the conclusion that the reason why I cannot not decide because...
Should I be a nurse?
Should I be a surgical tech?
If I am a nurse, should I eventually get my master's?
How about a Physician Assistant?
The reason I cannot decide is because
I want to be a Doctor!
I know what you are thinking...
because, trust me...
I have thought all these thoughts myself!
So many things make this dream completely, over the moon,
unrealistic!

Oh- I'm too old!
My kids are too young!
The fact that I have kids is enough to make it unrealistic!
It's so expensive!
Am I even smart enough?
And the list goes on for miles...

But, here is the thing...
Serendipity has worked its wonder lately and pleaded it's case!
In the recent weeks I have been fortunate enough to have some great insight bestowed upon me.
I was talking to a patient in the ER a couple of weeks ago, who turned out to be a physician herself. She asked why I am volunteer, so we talking about me not being able to decide which direction to go. And I told her how if I was younger I would love to be a Doctor.
So, she asked how old I was.
I respond in a ho-hum manner...
"33-just way too old!"
And she said...
" Are you kidding me? I didn't start medical school until my mid-thirties.
Life happens, I had three children! But I wasn't going to let that stop me!
And since when is there an age limit?
If you want to be a Doctor, then go be a Doctor!"

And...
so the next day I started my summer classes.
I tried all Spring to get into an online section of one of the classes I am taking.
Well, that didn't happen, but one spot did open up in the typical classroom setting so I took it!
And I am sooooo glad I did!
One of the first things my teacher said was,
"You are not getting older, you are just getter better!
In 10 years, you will still be 10 years older, but in that 10 years, what will you spend your time doing?
Will you live up to your potential?
Or will you say I should-a, could-a, would-a?

The words of these two angels have resonated in my head like a drum.
I cannot stop thinking about what they have said.
I have begun thinking about it this way...
I want to be the best example I can for my 2 children.
I want to teach them to empower themselves and to aim high!
What am I teaching them if I just settle for a life unfulfilled?
Am I teaching them it is OK to settle?
My mom always says she wishes she would have gone to law school
(And one hell of a great lawyer she would make! I tell her she could still do it!)
I don't want to wish I would have done something!

What do you dream about?
Are you living and working towards you dream?
If not...why?

Angry...very angry!

2009-03-30T21:16:00.001-05:00

I got a B on my Micro test! Not a happy camper! I can do better...and I will. My teacher assured me I can still pull off an A!

Random what-nots and such!

2009-03-29T16:29:00.001-05:00

Up to my ears in flowers!

2009-03-29T15:41:00.008-05:00

I am making wedding invitations for an old friend. I haven't done this in awhile...so I have kinda forgotten how time consuming a little weekend project like this actually is! I am, by no means, complaining...I enjoy busy work! That is why I have agreed to punch out 450 of these little purple flowers and then glue a little shiny-bling-bling onto each one! No- I am not crazy!

Speaking of crazy...I was asked that the other night by a patient in the ER. For those of you who don't know, I am a volunteer in the emergency department of one of our local hospitals. I go to the ER every Thursday night, mind my own business and quietly do the work asked of me, and then some. If a patient wants to talk I will most definitely lend a listening ear...I have learned a lot of people just like to talk and know that someone is listening! So...this past Thursday was no exception! While stocking one of the last rooms before I was done for the night, the patient said
to me, "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you crazy or something?". So I politely respond, "Excuse me?". A very bitter man he was, continued on..."What? You ain't got anything better to do? You must be really bored. " I told the man, that I was going back to school to pursue a medical career, and volunteering is a great way to get a feel for the environment, mainly the ER environment because I either want to work in surgery or emergency. I went on to tell him that, yes, indeed, I do happen to a life and I am working hard to create an even better one, not just
for me, but for my family. His response was..."What do you know, you are just a volunteer!"
I said, "well, sir...I do already have a bachelor's degree and working on another
one, but more importantly...I don't think it hurts anyone to devote a little of your time and give something back. " I also told him when my children are older they will volunteer their time for something they believe in. At this point, I told him I had to move on and it was nice talking to him! He had only one tooth by the way!

Volunteering in the hospital has been one of the best things I have done in a long time! I love every minute I spend in the hospital. Not only does it solidify the fact that I am moving in the right direction, but it makes me feel good. I swear...if you are in need of a little pick me up, something to put a little bounce back in your step, do yourself a favor...volunteer somewhere. The hospital, homeless shelter, go read books to children in under-privileged schools.
Follow your heart!

My happy feet!

2009-03-23T12:05:00.005-05:00

The one part of my body that won't get fat is my feet! That is why I adore shoes! Not cute trendy ones! I go for the comfort factor all the way! Gone are the days of wearing cute, but painful heels. Speaking of which...I have a favorite pair of leopard print heels that I absolutely love but I hardly wear because my old feet are so used to clogs! I have been a fan of Dansko clogs for many years now. I have been pining over these leopard clogs for about a year now. Thinking they would still embody the leopard print that I love so much, AND...I could wear them for hours and my feet would thank me for not shoving them in to those dreaded heels again, and let's not forget the extra inch of height I get out of them! So...with some of the birthday loot I received, I finally did it and splurged on my new favorite shoes! I know you may be thinking they are gaudy and what-not....But I love them! My feet are happy!

I will be listening to this in my treehouse!

2009-03-09T17:18:00.001-05:00

Happy Up Here from Röyksopp on Vimeo.

If you need me, you can find me in my Magical Treehouse!

2009-03-09T16:22:00.006-05:00

Lately I have been feeling like the closer I get, the farther everything seems to slip away. You know...that whole 2 steps forward 3 steps back concept. Just when I think I am getting somewhere, it turns out I am not getting anywhere, like I am just running in place. This whole mentality seems to have contaminated everything in my life right now...kids, marriage, friendships (or lack thereof), school, home, etc....I am stretched so thin right now, completely overwhelmed, and numb. I think this is what they call "The Winter Blues"! Sun, spring, fresh air gently blowing through open windows, flowers and the sound of chirping birds cannot come soon enough! I wish I had a magical treehouse. My own little enchanted fortress in the sky! I would go there, and stay there until Spring makes its debut!

Someone was listening!

2009-02-01T07:55:00.002-06:00

For any of you who mustered up the patience to read my last post...I am sorry- truly, deeply sorry! It was whiny, depressing, and flat out annoying! No one wants to read about my pity party!
I had just been having a few of those really bad days when nothing seemed to go right.

So,without further ado, on with some better news, unfortunately new that maybe I only find interesting! i am going to tell you anyway!

It's about school.
I was enrolled in an 8am microbiology course. Call me lazy if you want (I can take it), but I was having an extremely hard time getting the kids ready and out the door to preschool, then getting myself to class by 8am, 7:50 if I was a really good student!. So I began begging and pleading...no, I ain't too proud to beg...with all the other microbiology teachers to let me switch into another class. I even talked to a chemistry teacher to switch into a chem class, anything...just not so early in the morning! Well...it was no's all around, even though there were still openings in some of these classes. This is about when I wrote my last post, obviously feeling pretty like the lady of misfortune, down on my luck! Boo hoo!
Well...I was online, just seconds away from dropping Microbiology all together and just figured I would wait until the summer to take it..which, by the way, would not have been smart for two reasons...one, time is not really on my side seeing as thought I am not getting any younger, therefore I have to make the most of the time I do have to devote to class... and two, microbiology is hard enough as it is when taken in the length of a normal semester. During summer classes the material is the same just condensed into a short length of time.

So...somewhere along the way, the universe must have caught wind of my moaning and groaning and put cosmic forces to work. With the stroke of luck, one of the teachers I had been pestering sent me an email asking how 'does Monday & Wednesday night sound?' Uh...without hesitation, any hesitation at all...I responded "absolutely", got in my car and went to class! Just like that! Just like that, I went from Downer Dotty to the happiest girl on the planet! Persistence pays!
And just to add icing to the cake and make this deal even sweeter...this awesome girl in the class offered me her notes, which happened to be all typed out!!!

I won the school lottery!

2009-01-26T11:15:00.001-06:00

It's been awhile!

2009-01-26T10:11:00.007-06:00

To my few, but dearly treasured, readers...
greetings and happy new year!

So...a good bit of time has passed since I last wrote. One might think I should have a ton of new things to talk about, but the truth is I don't!
I know, I know...how extremely boring!

But the reality is I have been chillin' under a rock for the last month or so doing a lot of brainstorming (yes, there is indeed a brain somewhere lodged up in this noggin of mine for those of you who may question the thought of me brainstorming)! Keeping with this theme of mine to "Re-invent myself"- better myself, become someone of substance that my kids might look up to someday, someone my husband might actually look up to too, someone that is worthy...well, has become a bit daunting and overwhelming. The more I attempt to pave the way to this "better person", the more confused and frustrated I get. There is just so, so much I want to change. My biggest problem is I want it all to happen...yesterday!

After many insomnia-ridden nights, and almost frying my brain 'til there was no more, I thought of a quote that I am particularly fond of:
"You cannot push a river, you just have to let it flow" (author unknown).
Well, I have a new goal...learning how to be CONTENT.
I say "learn" because I think this is half my battle!
I am never satisfied with who I am. But, ya know I am just downright sick and tired of not liking myself. It takes a lot of energy to dislike yourself as much as I do. It would be much easier to just find the positives! I mean...I can't be that bad! I have two great kids, who are in part, a piece of me! I love them...why not love myself, right? However, this learning the art of being content thing is going to be a monster challenge. Learning to accept some of the things I wish I was not... Not walking down the street wishing I could look more like her, dress more like that, or be funny like so and so,...well, this is damn near impossible, but I am going to give it a shot! I have to. If I want to be the person my kids will look up to, this self-loathing crap isn't going to get me there what-so-ever! And that's a fact!
I am who I am!
I've got what I've got!
Now I have to learn to live with that!
I have to learn that the feeling of buying that great pair of shoes (that I don't need) is short lived.
And...yes, of course... losing weight will make me feel more confident... but what's a fit body matter when you have a brain full of mush?
Differentiating want vs. need...I have almost everything I could possibly need, so why then, do I still want?
With the capabilities of modern medicine couldn't I just have a lobotomy or something where they just turn my 'content' button in my brain on and be done with it? Oh, no...that's right...of course not, that would be way too easy! As if we humans don't have enough to work on!!!

So, I am off... being content.
Like they say, 'What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger'!
Thanks for devoting your time to read my ho-hum, b#@&*-and-moan, absolutely annoying pity party!
More positive posts to come...this is my promise to you! Just had a few things I had to get off my chest so I could begin!

Hello again! It's me!

2008-12-16T03:54:00.006-06:00

Hello, my loyal readers! I hope this find you doing well!

It is 3:59 in the morning...(if I am not mistaken, don't people normally sleep at this time?) yeah...anywho, apparently not me! Nothing like an early morning blog update, eh!

So...things around here have been a little crazy, not too bad. You know the normal hustle and bustle of the holiday season kind of stuff. Still not done shopping...I guess I enjoy the pressure of last minute shopping! Ugh! No, not so much! Almost done!

And there were finals in school...finished with a 95% in my Anatomy & Physiology class. I was happy, felt like I could have done better, but...in the end, an A is an A! I guess it's not too shabby considering the only real quality study time I have is on Sundays!

Oh...and our dryer kicked it about a month ago so I have been spending my free days at the laundry mat. It is sort of fun and relaxing in a strange sort of way, not to mention the sense of accomplishment felt upon folding that last pair of fuzzy footed pajamas, or pairing up all of the mismatched socks! I chat it up with the little laundry ladies while my laundry whirls and twirls around. Yesterday...14, yes 14, loads of laundry! Record breaking number in my book. Never before have I accomplished such a feat! 14 loads of laundry! Now that's a lot of backed up laundry! Sure makes you appreciate those modern household appliances! However, someday when I do have a functioning dryer, I think I may just continue this newly found ritual, with the goal being...Never get behind on laundry again, EVER. I think the Laundry Gods where listening to me when I asked how does one keep on on the laundry, without spending all day, everyday doing it!?!?!? Well, they broke my dryer and sent me to the laundry mat...that's how! Enough about dirty, well now clean, laundry! Am I a house wife or what? Got nothin' better to talk about at four in the morning than laundry!

The kids... oh, the stir-crazy kids...and cold weather has only just begun! Above are a couple pics to show you what we've been up to as of late. More to come, I promise..and in a timely manner, OK!

I am going to count sheep and catch some zzz's now!
Have a wonderful day!

Aren't these amazing!

2008-12-05T09:12:00.005-06:00

Photography by Dirk Rees
www.dirkrees.com

The race is on!

2008-11-29T12:12:00.002-06:00

I did it! I really did it!
I signed up for my first 5K, which will be held May 2, 2009 in Indianapolis!!! My dad and step-mom will be running the half marathon the same day. So, yeah....while the half marathon may be a bit ambitious for me, the 5K I thought was an attainable goal! Training for this will be challenging enough considering the fact I am not a runner....not yet anyway!

So let the race begin! Anyone interested in joining me can check out the website here:
http://www.500festival.com/marathon/500Festival5K.asp

The things some people do crack me up!

2008-11-25T09:35:00.003-06:00

My friend Amanda directed me to this hilarious story. For a good chuckle, you should check it out too:
http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html

'Tis the season

2008-11-21T14:33:00.001-06:00

At the hospital where I volunteer, every year a group of people get together to make Christmas cards for every in-patient who will be spending Christmas there. I like this idea a lot, so in my spare time I have been making some simple Christmas cards to contribute. I have a whole pile of them waiting to make someone's day a little brighter this holiday season.

I was thinking, though...I would like to give some away to one of you! It is the time for giving, afterall!

Please leave a comment and tell me your favorite little act of kidness during the holidays! I will select a winner in a few days!

Need your help!

2008-11-17T23:20:00.002-06:00

Please, if you would...gather all of your good thoughts and positive mojo and send them out into the universe for my best friend Monica's mom, Rose- who will be spending a few days in the hospital!

Let's wish, hope, pray, think, and do whatever it is you do, to help bring Rose home for Thanksgiving!

Thank you! Thank you!

And so it begins...

2008-11-17T21:32:00.003-06:00

So...the time has come!
Homework time!
Elliette brought home some 'family participation' homework the other day from school. PRESCHOOL that is! Yes...homework in preschool!

To start,
let me announce,
the
"I've Been A
Bad, Slacker Mom
Today"

award

goes to yours truly,
ME!

The goal of this project was to work with your child to "disguise" this turkey so no one would want to gobble it up for Thanksgiving. Sure! Let's get started then! So, this working together thing, Elliette and I, started out alright, she was coloring the turkey in with crayons...I was helping, or trying to anyway... but, you know...she is 4 years old now, and made that fact well known by stating, "I no longer need your help because I am big now!" Well, Elliette...ok then! So I proceed by doing my wifely, housekeeping duties and carry on by washing the dishes. Within minutes, in true Ellie-esque fashion, like a butterfly never landing on one thing for very long, she fluttered away onto something else, promising she will come back to finish this dear, naked turkey later!

Meanwhile, John has begun a new family ritual that I am growing more and more fond of with each passing week. He relieves me of the kids on Sundays and takes them to his parents to watch football, and I go to Borders and study. This Sunday was no different, we went our merry separate ways. I studied til my brain was numb, finally returning home at 8:30pm. To my surprise, he even had the wee ones nestled in bed! So I take a little break by watching a little Dexter and Californication, then put in a little more study time. Before I knew it was the witching hour... 2 am. Getting ready to turn in for the night and put these old bones to rest I come across the half finished turkey, which is due tomorrow...of course! Well...someone's gotta finish this thing, so I bust out some of my artsy stuff and decide to turn this turkey into a ballerina because of another conversation I had had earlier that day with Elliette, which went something along the lines of this:
E: Mom, you know it was fine that I got to be Dorothy, the Wizard of Oz, at my school parade, but I really wanted to be a ballerina...So-can I be a ballerina for Halloween? I tell her that "she can be a ballerina next year for Halloween if she wants." She rants back that she "wants to be a ballerina for THIS Halloween." Me: Well, Halloween is over until next year, sweetie! E: But... And so the story goes! This conversation goes round and round until finally I told her to just go brush her teeth!

Anywhoooo...back to the turkey! Some how I managed to finish the turkey! I decided to call her 'Madame Turkeyfly'! And ain't she just the gaudiest turkey you have ever seen?!?!? She even has faux eyelashes! I'll tell you one thing- I wouldn't eat her! Mission accomplished I guess, but unfortunately with out my little partner Elliette!

I would like to send a huge, giant sized thank you out to my mom and dad...who ALWAYS sent me to school with the very best, most creative projects, bug collections, Valentine's Day boxes, Halloween costumes, etc... a kid could ask for! I will get it together and one day send Elliette and Griffin to school with projects they can be proud of too!

2008-11-11T10:32:00.002-06:00

Character cannot be developed
in ease and quiet.
Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller
US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

New Hope!

2008-11-05T14:52:00.006-06:00

I am not a political gal.
Never have been.
However...

For the very first time ever in my 32 years,
I actually put some thought into who I would like
to be our next President.
We have been given the hard-earned gift and right to vote, so I thought...maybe I should respect that, due my part, and vote!
Not just vote for who I am told to vote for, but actually form my own opinion on who I think is best suited for the job. And what a job to step into. I wouldn't want it! How about you?
Well, obviously...I voted for Obama!
I silently let my thoughts and the thoughts of other stew and brew in my noggin, until I came to my own conclusion. I went into the my designated polling station with unwavering confidence and left proudly, knowing I chose, in my own mind, the right man! And that I cared enough to pay attention to the details this election year.

Whether you are an Obama fan or a McCain fan...
you have to admit...
that was one excellent acceptance speech!
I watched it and felt giddy with hope!
I hope you did too!

So here is to a new future, filled with HOPE!
Yes we can!

Food for Thought

2008-10-26T14:23:00.010-05:00

Daily Morsel: Living a juicier, zest filled life
Brio: (breee-o) n 1: quality of being active or spirited or alive and vigorous
[syn: animation, spiritedness, invigoration, brio, vivification]

This pretty much sums up my kids and their zest for life! Maybe instead of our children looking up to us, we should look up to them and try to add a little more brio to our lives, the way children effortlessly do it with even thinking about!

Life is good!

2008-10-26T13:00:00.013-05:00

It was a double header birthday celebration last weekend!
Elliette , my budding artist, athlete, sassy pants... turned 4, & my little, all-boy, wild-man, Griffin turned 2!
Both completely embrace the their ages and stages of childhood.
Elliette-Little miss Elliette has a mind of her own, and isn't afraid to let you know it! She knows what she wants and how to get it. Typical of a 4 year old, going on 13, right! She is a smart little thing, on the cusp of being able to read! It's pretty exciting! She has this fascination with knowing how every word is spelled.
She has the memory of an elephant! Her thought process
and problem solving skills are well
thought out for a 4 year old.
She sure as hell did not get this from her foot-loose & fancy free mother, I will tell you that!
One of my favorite things about her right now is that she is a total rockstar on the monkey bars! She zips across them like it's a walk in the park. She has been very coordinated and athletic from very early on. It makes me very proud to watch her glide across the monkey bars at the park while others watch in awe! In my head I am thinking, Yep...that's my girl!
I can't wait to see what kind of person she becomes.

Griffin- Ah...and then there is Griff!

Well...mischeivious just might as well be his middle name! With boundless energy and zero inhibition, he is into EVERYTHING and does not stop! Turn your back for a second and his is onto exploring something else!
I would be lying if I told you this did not,at times, frustrate and exhaust me like all get out!
It is mind-boggling to think that I am not a thinner person,
because all I do is chase after this kid!
Oh, but I love him! His sweet nature magically washes the slate clean!
He is...after all, two...doing what 2 year olds' should be doing!
And he does it so well!

Now, on to the cake...
My sister, Jory, aka Jojo, made it!
Isn't it great! Isn't she talented!
It has become tradition in out family that
my mom and sister make these fantastic cakes for everyone's birthday!
Well...this year my mom had pneumonia and had to sit this one out.
It was up to Jory to keep the tradition alive, and that she did with this circus cake!
She even hand stitched the canopy! Now if this isn't a sign of love and dedication to my children then I don't know what is!
So, Jory, with all my heart...
Thank you!

A little food for thought...

2008-10-14T11:48:00.010-05:00

Daily Morsel: Something More
If there were none who were discontented with what they have, the world would never reach for anything better. -Florence Nightingale

Crazy-ness!

2008-10-13T15:12:00.005-05:00

Hello Gang!
Sorry for my lack of posts!
I know you all have just been waiting at the edge of your seat!
So..to explain the delay,
Let's just say...
for me, trying to find a balance between being an attentive, supportive wife- susy homemaker- a loving mother of 2 animated, & curious children- a housekeeper (which I am not good at by any means, and do not enjoy whatsoever)- chef-boy-r-dee- story teller- band aid applier- laundry mat worker-entertainer- peace keeper- and hungry student...
has been, well...a bit daunting.
As much as I try to serve each job equally, not putting one before another, it is hard!
The thing is, I am going beck to school! Have been for a year now!
And, I am absolutely loving every minute of it!
However... I feel guilty for the huge chunk of time it consumes.
It makes me feel SO good to go to school again and use the brain I never realized I had.
But at the same time I feel like I am committing some kind of crime wanting to be MORE.
All this school razz-ma-tazz and thoughts of a new career put a little extra bounce in my step. I know in the long run having something to call my own that I worked so hard to achieve will only make me a better wife, mom, friend, daughter. sister, etc...
It is hard to explain why it will, I just know it will!
So, enough rambling!
In a nutshell...
School keeps me busy!
Family keeps me busy!
I will try harder to keep up with this whole blogging gig!

Ugh! Reality check!

2008-09-30T11:02:00.004-05:00

I've gotta tell ya...I love Facebook. I have been able to reconnect with old friends I haven't talked to in a long time! It is great! Catching up is great! Thank you modern-day inventions for things such as Facebook!

However, on the flip-side...it has been one big smack in the face after another. Reason being, check out my picture to the left. Yep! That's me! Nothing but a big old cow! I look at all of my old friends and everyone is doing so well! It is like everyone but me has discovered the fountain of youth! I swear....everyone looks awesome...better than I remember! And then, well...I look at myself! What have I done in the past 10 years since college besides get fat? I have had 2 kids, so I try to cut myself a little slack...but you know what, so have all of my old friends! They aren't fat!

Reality check strikes! This cycle of mine has to stop! The whole purpose of my {Re}inventing Myself project is to stop this cycle- get moving... feel better about myself... lose all of this self-hatred that has disabled me for way too long.

So, I have been obsessed with runners lately. I watch them run down the street as I drive. I admire their focus and drive. They run run in smoldering-hot weather, rain, snow....they don't care! Runners... I swear, are a freak of nature! How in the world can you go out and run 26 some miles and live to tell about it? Runners amaze me! My dad is a runner. He amazes me! He did his first Ironman competition in his 50's! Madman, I tell ya! He has been running marathon and doing triathalons for decades now, and has added 2 Ironman competitions to his resume. Insane, I don't know how he does it!

Anyway, I am going to start the 'Couch-to-5K Running Plan'. My goal is to be able to run a 5K in a few months! I plan on starting tonight with my first walk/jog intervals instructed by the Couch-to-5K plan.

I'll keep ya posted on how it is going!
Any running tips, feel free to comment!
Just want to offer this cow some much needed motivation, by all means, please do!

Addictions, sch-micktions!

2008-09-29T22:42:00.010-05:00

So...for those of you that know me well, know that Dear ole' Dr. Pepper is not my only addiction. For those of you who do not know me at all, or only know me a little bit should know I also have a great affinity with paper. Yes..paper! And no, not in a Pica sort of way! I DO NOT consume paper! (Pica is an eating disorder in which a person habitually eats non-nutritive substances, such as paper, for example, at an age that is developmentally inappropriate. )

We, humans, like to collect things.
I guess you could say I am an avid collector of paper! Artsy-fartsy paper of all kinds. I have oodles and oodles, and even more oodles of paper!

I suppose at this point you are wondering what on this beautiful earth do I do with all of these oodles and oodles of paper.....ahhh, good question, my friend! I swear, my paper story does have a point, and I will get to it in time!

So, the paper...for some reason, ever since college, or maybe even highschool, I have loved making greeting cards and invitations. I make LOTS of cards! So right next to my oodles and oodles of paper I have piles and piles of cards!

Now this is the part of the story where I am going to try and justify my addiction to my beloved paper. My addiction to paper would be alright if... say, maybe, I did something with all of these cards made out of beautiful paper... but instead they sit, all lonely, collecting dust!

So, as part of my '{re}inventing myself' project, I want to grow some serious ka-hoo-nahs. I want to gain some much needed self-confidence and try to sell this stuff. So, you know those home jewelry parties or 'toy' parties...come on ladies, we've all been to them, just to help a sista out, you don't really want to go but you do anyway! Awhile back, it was suggested I have a 'Kenzie' party. You have to understand...I just make tons of stuff for fun, but it all just sits around. I have been giving it some thought, along with thinking about how I am going to pay for school Spring semester, so I might just step out of my cozy comfort zone and give it a whirl...just see how it goes.

Now, tell me...what do you think?
Too audacious?
Any suggestions?

Farewell dear friend....

2008-09-25T10:15:00.008-05:00

Dear Dr. Pepper,

You have been a dear friend to me for over a decade now. I met you in all your glory in Lawrence, Kansas at a local gas station. You stood there tall and proud, just waiting for me to consume you completely! .59 cents and one 32 oz. Big Gulp later...I HAD FOUND LOVE! And I haven't stopped loving you since!

My unconditional love for you has run deep and true, however...as the old saying goes, "All good things must come to an end"! You see, dear friend, after enjoying mass amounts of you over the years, I have gained many unwanted pounds that MUST be shed. They say you are full of excessive empty calories. I disagree by the way, just so you know...I find every single one of your calories to be delicious in every way, and up to this point, well worth the caloric intake.

However, sadly, Dr. Pepper, sweet lover of mine... I must digress! This is extremely hard for me to do.... but I must leave you today. As I finish sipping your sweet nectar, I am saddened by the thought that this may be our last encounter, if not definitely, then at least for awhile. I am sure in a moment of weakness I will resort to you, as I have always done-as part of my daily ritual, as a source of comfort, like a favorite teddy bear is to a child... but for now I must try to live without you!

Please let me down easy. Let me walk away without a fight! Please know, dear friend, I do not want to give you up. But, for the sake of my health and well-being, I have to let you go. It has become a love- hate relationship between you and I. I drink you because I love you, but I hate you at the same time knowing that I am being a better friend to you, than you are to me. You have had a negative effect on my physical being. My belly is round and I am asked if I am pregnant even though I am not, which makes me feel awful... and I would not be caught dead in shorts! Are you kidding me, my thighs look...disgusting, to put it nicely! Chubby thighs are only cute on babies! And this extra chin...please, I don't need it! Trust me!

So, this is the point I turn and walk away, and try not to look back. I know I will be tempted every time I see you, but I must be strong. I AM ON A MISSION, REMEMBER! I want to love the skin I am in, and ridding myself of you is only one of the humble steps I must take in trying to regain an attractive girlish figure I can be proud of. Because, as of right now, I am embarrassed beyond words that I have let myself go! I want to be able to show my face and not be ashamed of myself!

Always remember, you are loved and will be missed!
I bid thee farewell! So long, my lover!

Kenzie

Why am I here....

2008-09-23T20:31:00.036-05:00

Hello!

Hellllllllooooooo! (echo)
Is anybody here?!?!?!?
So, let me start by introducing myself...
Hi! My name is Kenzie.
I am one of those 30's somethings....
a 30's something that feels older than her age...
by that, I mean.. physically!
Somedays, I feel 80!
My bones ache,
my muscles feel weak,
...and I am 30 lbs overweight!!!!!
I am sick and tired of the skin I am in.
Which brings us to why we are here!
Why I am here...
who knows if anyone will read this,
so I will just pretend I have a full audience!
So humor me if you will!

The reason for the title '{Re}inventing Myself'?
Well as you could probably guess...

I am going to do exactly what the title states....
REINVENT MYSELF!
Sounds pretty drastic, I know.
I mean there has to be something about myself that I would like to keep...
Well, yes..I will keep my family, friends & what-not.
It is ME I want to change!
I feel like I have been stagnant for so long...
just going through the motions,
just taking up space... lots of it!
I don't want to just occupy space anymore...
I want to get off my rump and do something!about it!
NOW! TODAY!
I want to be someone my children will look up...
someone my parents are proud to have raised...
someone my husband would brag about...
someone I don't mind being!

SO...the wheels are in motion!
Slowly but surely!
I am going back to school to clear out the cobwebs.
I have dusted off my running shoes.
And I am giving the gym a try...
for the first time in 10 years!
YIKES!

This is the place I will be held accountable!
I am on a mission!